Awoken
Saturday, January 22, 2011
i spent a good part of yesterday morning and night wrestling with questions dat i only woke up to struggle with again... why am i doing this harr? why try so hard leh? why bother with relationships? wats the point man?
"arent things easier and better being independent and self-sufficient?" i asked myself for what is probably the millionth time in my life..haih..
anyone who knows me well enough knows this tough-chick front i always try to hard to put up.. i don't depend on ppl cause i dont like to be vulnerable.. in any sort of relationships watsoever...
even the closest ppl to me know that i only let them into my life to a certain extent.. =( and even when i share things closest to my heart... its after I've already wrestled and dealt with it on my own...
"i could easily go on living like that.." i told myself.. but instead i'm choosing to let ppl in... and i ask myself why...why har? i question why im going against everything i used to stand for..
why put myself in such a vulnerable position? why allow others to see my weaknesses? why care so much about other ppl? wat's the point?
arghh! but honestly.. i never regret of knowing these ppl in my life... SERIOUSLY! =) looking back at wat i've been trough.. i'd be a complete mess if i dint meet u all... haha u guys make me laugh a little louder..smile a little brighter..and just live a little better.. its important to have sumbody dat can make u laugh tho! sumbody u can trust.. sumbody dat... err u know.. turns u on! =D im sorry that i may disappoint u guys sumtimes..=(
but im still me kay?
some days.. at the end of the day.. after dinner with a friend u met recently.. u end up talking for hours and pouring out the entire story of ur life...lols u swap anecdotes.. trade secrets.. laugh about silly regrets and get all melancholic together about less silly ones.. and ones u wished never had to happen..
u talk about things close to ur heart.. things u wished for once upon a time.. and things u still wish for..
u talk about things u like.. about creating and writing and photography and art and ppl who inspire u..=D
u let ur guard down.. and for awhile.. u're not another one in a million scraping through a dark and depressing winter day.. u are not alone! whoo!
and some days.. u realize~ here is where u are meant to be... this's the point lah! haha
walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
xie xie ni men ;)